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Wednesday, May 28th, 2003
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10:10 pm
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thoughs light up my mind, they r pictures running thru my head, memories
from the past, but is still intact.
blury colors, different shapes and different odors.
i can taste the air, i can feel the breze, i can feeling everything that the pictures sees
what does it take to be happy? what did i miss frm my planned life? how
different would everything be, if i didnt made that move?, and would
i be happier staying where i was?
is too hard to answer, and i guess i'll never now, but i hope this pictures would
never leave me alone, i wanna stick them in my mind, renew them if i can,
cuz memories is all i'll ever have, from the times i mist from my past.
current mood:  melancholy
current music: silence....
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, May 1st, 2003
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9:51 pm
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i'm kinda out of it right now...i just woke up.....sry i haven't written anything in a while, actually i've had, i just havent made it public...i'm gonna try to keep my journal in a more private sort of way.....well...there's not much to say, not many highlinghts in my life latly....everything is boring, i need somthing new, new stuff to do, new scene....i feel like i need to get drunk, hopfully i'll acomplish that this weekend in daytona, i'm gonna go now cuz i got to pee like a race horse...peace...
current mood:  calm
current music: DKLIMB - It lies beneath us
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, April 25th, 2003
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11:01 pm
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so yea....i've been called a fagget for havin a journal.....it doenst surprise me tho.......a couple months ago i thoght about this as the gayest shit that a fucking loser can do, but i dunno i guess i was wrong..... and i understand the peeps that think this is pathetic, cuz it is, i know it is, and i guess if they wanna laugh is ok, i understand, but that doesnt mean i'm gonna stop doin it, peeps are gonna have to grow out of their lil asses, i'm gonna do w/e the fuck i wanna do, i dont care about much anymore......and inseted of saying i dont have a life, think about your self, your are the one fuckin readin it......
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| Monday, April 21st, 2003
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10:12 pm - what u dont know about me, is that i can forget you.......
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welll....i couldnet go to the fata, tbs, and recover show....suxs so fuckin bad....this is one of those times when i really feel i'm missing somthing important, fuck!.......and i know tm i'm gonna hear of how good it was, and that i should've been there.....but i couldnt cuz of my stupid parenst...:\...so yea........i;ve been thinkin, and came to the conclusion that no matter how much stuff i do, things would never be as good as how they used to be, and instead of lookin back i should look forward and try to just let things to happen, instead of lettin myself go crazy thinkin about the past.... and that i cant be happy unless i feel someone close to me, and it suxs, cuz rite now i wanna be a lonner, but then i dont, i hate feeling alone, and i feel like i dont have anybody i could really fall back on to, and hat everybody is drifting away from me, in their own little way......
"quiero salir, a la calle a caminar, y saber si algo mas escondido alla afuera q deva saber para poder encajar, en un mundo donde no estas, donde enfrente la realidad, y pueda respirar
es la hora de partir, levantarse y sguir, hacia el fin sin pensar lo q pueda pasar, no me duele recordar lo q dejamos atras ,por q voy a decir lo q no sabes de me.
pensando q pudo ser no te va hacer regresar, sigo aqui, asi estoy dando un paso mas, afuera de este final, afuera de este final, lo q no sabes de mi es q te puedo olvidar
current mood:  bored
current music: tom sawyer
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 20th, 2003
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9:17 pm
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last night i took all the feelings and emotions i had for you, puted them inside a bag, and tossed it around my room.
then..... i was slamming it against a wall when i made a huge hole that took it outside, it was so fun watchin it fly away, and hit the fence that my neighbor made
then i went outside w/ my lighter, and burned it so it wont smell.....cuz all those things are rotten like you.
it felt so good to see the fire eat everything away, and watch the smoke take everything to hell...
no feeling has been left, and i feel smater and more prepare, for all the bullshit that goes on, i wont let my self get close to any *****.....
(dont ask.... i wrote it when i was high......i know it suxs, but is kinda funny...peace ;)
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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8:22 pm - forget my name...
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i havent updated in a while, so i toug maybe i wrote like and over all of the past few days (theres nothin else to do, and i dont feel like goin nowhere)........well, whasts there to say....my frine mario came over on friday and we went downtown hang out there w/ rob and loryn, and michelle, then came home and chilled w/ rob and mario for some, then on saturday juanses parents invited my pops to stay on the hotel they were managing, so i went there w/ mario, picked up juanse, and we went drivind around broward, we went to the sawgrass mall to say hey to some friends that worked there, and then we went over to marios house, and chilled there for some time, looked at pictures and remember the good old times...:sobs:..... then we went over to plantation to see if my friends were anywhere to be found, but no one was home cuz they all went to orlando for roots, i think, so instead we wnet skatin around the old spots, good stuff, marios brother did the fashion mall gap first try, and i was skatin pretty alrite, it was fun, then we went back to the hotel cuz it was kinda late, and then at night we went to skate over the beach, saw some prett hot grls, and some funny stuff too, good times..... then today we wnet over the beach, and then came home, and here i am.............tired as fuck, but happy cuz it was hell of weekend, i havent had so much fun in a while, the only think the kinda suxs is that i wont be able to go to the tbs show w/ fata and recover, all those bands are fuckin amazin but they r playin on a monday, wtf is up w/ that, all those fuckin bands on a monday when i cant go.......but o well , there should be another time, hope is soon tho... peace....
current mood:  tired
current music: senses fail - bloody romance
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 15th, 2003
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9:29 pm
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i had a pretty good day today........ like in the morn rob brought my "in my eyes" cd, so i was like listening to it, and it sort of woke me up, and pumped me up.....and it like gave me a whole new perspective, their lyrics kinda made sense....... claim the X (not really)...in school there werent much highlights same ol same ol, but after there was some good stuff......jenna and ash fought, again this are 2 of my friends, the resons were gay but they just fought, it was a pretty good fight, pretty even and stuff......props to both...it was good taht they fought, cuz now they eneded teh shit between them, they r not friends anymore, but at least they are not gonna be talkin about each other all the time, or at least i hope :crossin fingers:..............i just want all this stupid gayness to stop, and if fighting each other works, then what teh hell , go for it, things would never be that same, so i wont even hope for that......so yea...after the fight, adam came over, and we had band practice w/ pat and juanse....it was good, music does help a fuckin lot, so we hang out, joke around, jam out, drove around, fun times........and like after we went to some restaurant and the food was good, i think i;m gonna start hangin w/ him some more, cool kid...........
current mood:  okay
current music: glasseater - break away
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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10:59 pm
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wow, today i guess i just relized how pathetic i am...... is crazy, i never thought i would turn out this way, i'm gettin mad over stuff that doenst even concern me........ i'm just a friend........ i care too much and i'm too nice......seriously right now i just wish i was one of those guys that just gets girls and fucks them, there no use in being nice, peeps always fuck u up............
current music: glasseater - i'll try
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| Saturday, April 12th, 2003
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12:42 am - uuuuuuuuuuuuuuy paila tribilin bananas open the window q la mosca fly.......
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eh...td wasnt such a bad day.....school was the same shit as always....things seem to be goin fine......after school was sort of crazy, lots of fights goin on, i dont know what the fuck was up today, but everybody was fighting, i heard there was 4 fights in one hour, of which i just saw 1, it was sort of fucked up, but it was good; this kid from some stupid sk8 crew was talkin all this shit about some of my lil mid-school homies, and just came and started punchin one of them and then some other kid jumped in, but my friend took some punches, and then he fuck that kid up, he broke his nose, and his face was fucked up, is really funny that a 10th grader got beat up by an 8th grader, good stuff... then ther was the other fight which i didnt see, but it was betwee 2 of my friends, i dont like to see my friends fight becuz of stupid stuff, but i mean is their buisnes, and if they want to, is their problem, i'm not gonna take part in this, but the good thing is that i got a newsk8board, good stuff, and i also hanged put w/ anna and marika for a lil, it was fun, good times......so w/ my new acquiere sk8, i decided that i was gonna give it some good use, so i eneded up skating, and ridin some for the rest of the day....came home kinda early cuz i was tired as fuck, slept some and thats about it for td..........................the reason y i'm feelin sort of artistic today, is becuz i been drawing all this cartoon characters of my friends, and actually i'm really proud of them, is a good way to waste time in class and i'm thinkin about makin comic strips, i think that'll be pretty cool idea, w/ all the shit thats goin on, i think i'll have enough inspirartionfor some good stuff...
current mood:  artistic
current music: senses fail - bloody romance
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
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10:11 pm - in my head
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this feeling inside wont leave me alone
my life is just a mess and my head is just gone
this feeling wont stop,
punching me on the inside
i hate being alone
i wish i could just hold your hand
say all the things i have to say
hold u in my arm
and look at your face
but i'm scared that this would make u run away
i'm sacared that my words would make u turn away
i dont mean to bother you
but u r stock in my mind
and i cant stand keeping you away from my heart
dont know if u feel the same for me
dont know if u want me in your side for more than a week
but i wish you would give me a sign
do you want to be more, than just stock in my mind
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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9:28 pm - what is happening?
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staring at the ceiling, things just go thru my mind.... dont know what the fuck i'm even thinkin about.....my head is just a big mess, i hate felling all scrumble up......when i think about somethin, somthin else just comes to my mind and i cant figure what i'm doin, my head just takes control of me and does what ever the fuck it wants.....i wish i could just find somebody that takes me serious, i hate feeling like i'm just there, and i guess i cant help it, but the peeps i care about dont want to deal w/ me the same way i want, and that just gets me frustrated, i feel like i'm just wasting my time, or just doing something i shouldnt be doing...but then again, i understand them, cuz who the fuck would wanna deal w/ me
current mood:  blah
current music: unsung zero - chasing amy
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Sunday, April 6th, 2003
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11:21 am
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yesterday was a good day........ it started like any other day, no plans, no sleep, no money, no nothin. when i received a call from my friend maude askin me if i wanted to go to the used show w/ her cuz she had an extra ticket that she didnt wanted to waste, and i was like "sure...", i wasnt really excited but at least i had somethingto do for the day.....then i went back to sleep some more, and then karen called to see what i was doin td, and she ended up goin w/ us.......when we got there, the line wasnt too crowded which surprised me, then more peeps started comin and comin, until the place was zoo, but it was cool cuz i saw a bunch of peeps that i havent seen in the longest time, like my homies from plantation, and my friend mario, and there was a lot of peeps from around here too..... so then we got in, and the bands started playing, the first band, i belive was named "the start", suck my balls really bad, i haven nothis agains chic singers, but that was horrible. then this other band called s.t.u.n played, the were ok. then coheed and cambria came on, and rocked the fuck out of the place, great fuckin band. then after, the used came on, but that time i was fuckin dead, i was really tired and my shirt was soking wet, w/ half of my sweat, and half other peeps sweat, but i still was goin, the used were pretty good, but the singer was pissin me off cuz he wouldnt shut up, and the place was really hot, so i left the place to go get some water from marios car, then we got piced up, came home, took a shower, and i still had the beepin noise in my ears, but i wasnt bothering me, it just reminded me of how good of a night i have had..........i really needed a day like this, to forget about everthing and just have a good time, and it also was really cool to see my old friends hope i see them more constanly.....peac
current mood:  happy
current music: coheed and cambria - devil in jersey city
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 3rd, 2003
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10:18 pm - shakin....like a dog shittin razor blades........
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td was an okay day, i was in a good mood most of the day, school was the same ol, but it was weird cuz "a" lunch was actually sort of fun, that's not to ususal, i guess is cuz we were chillin w/ new peeps, and i'm starting to be cool w/ monica..........after school, i came home and went ridin, cuz me and jerm were supose to ride and then after go to the sk8park, but i never found him, so i chilled w/ karen, dani, ash, britt and other kids. we smoked some, it was okay. but i didnt really got stoned, cuz by the time i got there it was almost over...so then i went ridin some more, and then met up w/ them again, and we chilled, it was kinda weird but okay i guess.....then i came home, and talked to dani some, and i got really confused once again, but i gueess things are slowly gettin str8, righht now i'm still a little confuse but things are sort of makin sense...i guess i;m just gonna stop takin things too far, is a really bad habit i have, and i cant help it sometimes, but i'm gonna try to stop it....oooo, i forgot,today is robs b-day, now he can finally say he is 16, lil baby
current mood:  good
current music: alkaline trio - radio
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
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9:14 pm - ...and i dont want you to see the things i hide
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well, what can i say, another fine day at wellington, this place seems more boring everyday, and i'm gettin tired of the same shit over and over, the weirdest thing that has happen are some white doves that keep comin to my house to spend the night, this is the 3rd night we receive a visitor, does that hava a mening??? i have no fuckin idea.......welll, i just red once again my old entries, and i really sound pathetic, and i'm sick of everything latly....so i decided that instead of bitch and complaint, i'm gonna do somthing about it, i'm gonna try to stay away from all te things that put me down, and i'm gonna try to meet new people or hang out w/ peeps that i usually dont hang out, and do stuff that usually dont do or havent done in a while, as loryn said, "these might be the days i'm ment to be unhappy", so i'm gonna try to get that over w/, i'm sick of being sad and have the same shit over and over in my head and i'm sick of being bored. i need to be who i used to be
current mood: optimistic
current music: 18 visions - vanity
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, March 31st, 2003
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8:46 pm
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well, what's there to say......td was monday, my favorite day of the week!, u get to wake up at 5:50am, and u get to go to school all day, i mean who the fuck needs a weekend when we can have mondays everyday!!!!!, and the best part was that last night i couldnt sleep all night cuz my stupid dog just kept makin noises, and i kept throwing shoes at her, but then i gave up cuz i run out of shoes, so i just said fuck it...... well, td after school wasnt that bad, it actually was kinda fun, i wanted to go ridin, but couldnt get a hold of jerm once again, so i went ridin aroun, and i met juanse that was on his way to mellisas house so i decided to go w/ him, and there was juan cruz, we chilled there and joked aroun like the good ol days, fun times.....and right now i'm just like reading my old journal entries and i cant belive how pathetic i sound, its crazy, if i would have red this a couple of years ago i prolly would be laughing at myselff , i really dont know whast goin on, but w/e it is, i hope it goes by quckly...i feel like i'm gettin tired of everything and everybody is gettin tired of me, i need somthing new, life's is just being borin lately.....peace
current mood: okay
current music: small brown bike - unsung zero
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| Sunday, March 30th, 2003
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12:28 am - failure is my fuckin flag!
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uughh!!!, i'm sick of myself and of how stupid i am, and i deserve every broken heart and failure that i've been thru for being such fuckin moron, i never do anything rite, and things never go the way i want them..........but i still dont give up, and that just keeps pushin myself down more, cuz i'm still stupid, and i never learn.....
current mood:  frustrated
current music: f.a.t.a - short stories with tragic endings
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, March 29th, 2003
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11:21 pm - life goes on, and i'm still here
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i heven't updated in a couple days, in part cuz i'm been lazy and in part cuz thers not much to say, things had been goin as usual, skate, ride, chill.....td i went to the beach w/ my pops and juanses family, i was like obligated to go, cuz as my pops say "we have to have some family time" which is bs, but i guess its oki cuz it was fun, i like the beach, then when i got home i went over to britts, and there was some peeps smokin pot, but i didnt smoke cuz i realy didnt feel like it, then i was gettin kinda annoyed by scott, so i went to bk, and ther was juan c and juanse, so we chilled there for the rest of the night....nothin special really ....i guess things among my friends r gettin better, even tho i dont think they r gonna get back to normal, but it works....peac
current mood: okay
current music: anti-flag - seattle was a riot
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| Thursday, March 27th, 2003
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9:01 pm
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fuck it, sittin aroun just makes me think about stuff over and over, and i'm gettin sick of it........i wish i could just give up all my hopes that something would happen, and made myself understand that that's not gonna happen. i'm sick of lookin around and seing how everything works for everybody except me, and i'm tired of gettin my hopes up, when i know nothin is goonna happen. i widh i could just disconect myself from evrything i'm attach too, and run away w/o lookin back.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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7:55 pm
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aaarrrgghhh!!!!! i'm bored out of my fuckin mind!, what can you do when is rainin outside and you have to stay home???? (besides sleep)......td was the same ol, went to school, then after i was gonna hang out w/ dani karen and ash, but i had to go home because my pops have been bitchin about how i'm never home, and wanted me to eat dinner w/ them for td, so i came home slept some, ate dinner, and then it started rainin like crazy, so i went to sleep, and then i wanted to go outside but it was still raining.........and i'm fuckin sick of it........i did nothin td, great fuckin day..............everybody thats against war should go to anti-flags site and download the protest song, good stuff
current mood: bored
current music: anti-flag - protest song
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, March 26th, 2003
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8:58 pm - take this blade to my wrist, help me in my pain.....
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Same shit over and over, went to school to sleep, after hang out and went ridin some......it was ok i guess, we got free pizaa, good stuff!.....but right now i'm just like listening to A Static Lullaby, fuckin awsome band! (thanx nnda) and thinkin about stuff........ this stupid shit thats goin around my friends is so gay, i dont understand why there has to be so much stupid drama, and how stupid some peeps can be, no offense to anyone, but fuck it i'm noty gettin into this.....i feel kinda weird, not good not bad just kinda lonely,..... guess i'm just gonna sit back and enjoy the music..peaces
current mood:  indescribable
current music: A Static Lullaby - and dont forget to breath..(the cd)
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kinkyrider86's journal